Old Maroon entered the
Polar Bear Plunge as the odds on favorites to be the coolest people there. The events started on Friday
night as 2 guys, a Jew, and a Mexican walked into a bar. This bar had dollar drafts and a local bartender,
Roxanne, who not only was a princess but also seemed like she’s been around the block once or twice. In
typical Champion of Life fashion all it took was one quick smile from Sweetness to have her in the palm of our hands and keep
the booze flowing all night. After a nice selection of Brittney Spears (to clear out the metal heads) and
Johnny Cash we attempted to finish all of the Jameson in Seaside. After blacking out, this fine group
went to Hemmingway’s bar/club where everything seems a bit hazy. All I know is: Pullings used Hemmingways
as a bucket for his puke, Lou used our motel room as a toilet, and the Seaside Heights Police confused Me for Iceman.
I guess Joe Panico doesn’t have any street cred at the shore.
The day of the Polar Bear Plunge started 9am and we went right back to Roxanne and she was astonished
about how much we were drinking but more pleased to see us in our Champions of Life Robes and Old Maroon Speedos.
Loading up on the booze again we welcomed Strouby Doo to the party. Once the robes came off there
was a line out the door to take pictures with the most handsome and fit men at Seaside. Chicks were begging
for pictures and getting in the middle of the group so we could rub their backs and breathe on them softly. Of
course Diamond Don’s cousin was there and asked us if we knew “The Jeff” before taking pictures of us as
evidence. After coming close to blacking out again, we stormed the
boardwalk and the beach like our grandfathers did 65 years prior at Normandy. With chants of USA! USA!
We ran into the water. On the way out we finally made contact with Commander Neidermeyer who was wearing
his red wig, closely resembling Shaun White. Within 2 minutes we stormed into the water for one more round
in the Ocean. In typical fashion the Champions of Life were the only people to enter the frigid temperatures
of the Atlantic Ocean twice and were considered the most handsome of the 21,000 that attended the event. After
taking more pictures and letting Roxanne enjoy our presence some more we left the shore just as we came (minus my phone, dignity,
etc…) as Champions of Life.
